And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
