Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
