being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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