Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
