I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize