hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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