My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
