I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
