if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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