I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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