Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
