jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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