i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
