You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
there is glitter all over my balls
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
