Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
