I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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