***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
