Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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