You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
