sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
