Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
