Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
