Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
