I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am one with the molecules
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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