Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
