he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
