I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
