I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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