I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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