Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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