The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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