My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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