You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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