I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
