Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you made out with another girl for some wings
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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