then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
