Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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