how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
