It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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