I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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