I think my vagina is haunted
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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