i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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