my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
