Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
