So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
