suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
