dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
