he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
