i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
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Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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