My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
