i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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