I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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