I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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