i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
