There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
