Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
