i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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