Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
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My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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