if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she told me i tasted like america
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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