So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it hurts more in the daytime
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
